


all that i wonder

by gracecavendish



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, First Love, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Minor Character Death, World War II, london evacuations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 06:26:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13805364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracecavendish/pseuds/gracecavendish
Summary: The threat of their stately London home becoming nothing but rubble sends Chanyeol and his sister to the English countryside. In the safety and the solitude, Chanyeol happens across the curious boy next door.





	all that i wonder

**Author's Note:**

> • Ticket No. 542  
> • Warnings: Mild homophobia, minor character death  
> • Pairing: Baekhyun/Chanyeol  
> • Time Period: World War II  
> Finally my first chanbaek fic is complete! Reading this prompt I immediately thought of the London evacuations in WWII which is where the story takes place, and then this whole thing spurred from there. This is my first time writing chanbaek so I hope you all enjoy ♡

It was early morning, the first of September and King’s Cross was abundant with families awaiting the train’s departure into the perceived safety of the countryside. London had been bombarded with the overwhelming threat of destruction from the Nazi forces, and the Park family along with countless others felt they had no other choice but to send their children away from the targeted city.

“Take care of your brother,” Chanyeol’s mother smiled sweetly as she smoothed the wrinkles in his older sister’s cardigan. Chanyeol frowned from behind her, eyebrows furrowed and body rigid amongst the busy crowd of the London train station.

“You’ll write won’t you? Both of you?” She asked, peering into the identical dark eyes of her two children. 

“Of course Mother, I’ll make sure Chanyeol writes just as often as I do.” Chanyeol held himself from rolling his eyes as his mother’s own began to water. 

“If I hear anything from your father you two will be the first to know,” she croaked, fanning herself slightly in an attempt to hold back her emotions. Chanyeol gave her a brief smile and placed his hand on her shoulder in comfort.

“You be safe too, Mother.” 

Amongst the hurried goodbyes on the station platform, the Park siblings made their way onto the awaiting steam train. His Mother had said this was the only way they could be safe, hiding out with their distant Uncle in the countryside while their Father wrote to them from the turbulent trenches of war. The whistle of the engine signalled their departure as the two sat in an empty compartment, Yura resting her head against the cold glass window whilst Chanyeol pulled his long legs in closer to avoid knocking knees with his sister. He waved incessantly until his Mother’s melancholic mien was long out of sight, sighing heavily and watching the city smog pass them by. 

It wasn’t long until London, and seemingly the comfort of their former lives, lay forgotten behind them. 

 

 

The picturesque green of the English countryside was wasted on Chanyeol as the journeyed farther from home. Apprehensively tapping his fingers against his knee his head swarmed with wayward thoughts, eyes unfocused as he glared at the passing scenery. Would they ever return to their family home? Would he ever fall asleep amongst the comfort of his own bed? Would their family portrait above the fireplace stay hanging on the white walls? Or would there be nothing but dusty ruins by the time they returned, if they even had a home to go back to. Chanyeol had grown up luckier than most, his every meal catered and bed freshly made each morning. His favourite part of their stately London home was his Father’s library, it’s vast walls lined with pristine books on nearly every subject. As a boy, he’d spent many house curled up in a hidden corner of the library, preferring the tranquility of his own imagination to the hovering watch of his teachers in the stifled classroom. Although he’d never been particularly shy towards his classmates, he felt the pull towards the solitude of his dusty books and the hidden worlds they promised rather than the pompous and meaningless discussions of his fellow pupils. 

It was during one of his quiet afternoons that he discovered his love of sketching as he clumsily attempted to recreate the _Hispaniola_ after finishing _Treasure Island._ His drawings became more refined as he continued to practice and the pages in the navy bound notebook became filled with places that once only existed in his imagination. His sketchbook was one of the few possessions he’d been able to bring with him following the news of the evacuation and despite the mix of fear and apprehension that filled him, knowing his charcoal pencils and the works he’d created with him rested safely in his suitcase gave him a small sense of comfort. 

A tug at his blazer sleeve interrupted his thoughts as Yura motioned to their approaching destination. They clutched their leather cases while they walked through the tight passage of the train, standing by its doors as it slowed to a complete stop. 

The place of their arrival was nowhere of note to Chanyeol, nothing but green stretched out to the horizon with a few small cottages in the distance. A muddy makeshift road lay alongside the railway tracks, slowly becoming visible as the train pulled away. 

“Are you sure this is right?” He asked Yura, glancing over her shoulder to spot any sign of the company that they had expected to greet them. 

“Mother said we were to be picked up from the station,” she said, following Chanyeol’s line of sight. He sighed and petulantly pouted at the thought of being stuck at a lonesome train platform for the afternoon, the grey cloud-scattered sky looming eerily above them. 

“Oh that could be them, Chanyeol,” Yura smiled pleasantly, walking closer to the station’s exist as a small black speck began to grow closer. The siblings stood expectantly as the dark, sleek car came into view, beeping its horn twice before pulling up in muddy dirt. A man dressed in a smart tweed jacket emerged from the driver’s side, cringing as his spotless boots made contact with the ground below him. 

“Yura and Chanyeol Park I presume?” He asked, shaking his foot slightly to remove the collected dirt. 

“Yes sir,” Yura affirmed politely, “are you our uncle, Junmyeon?” 

“Oh no,” he replied, “I’m Mr. Kim his, uh, driver I suppose.” He made to collect their cases when he approached, smiling pleasantly as he took them from each of them before placing them in the car’s boot. 

“Hop in then!” He exclaimed, opening the passenger door in the car’s back. They both thanked him and slid into their seats.    
“And uh, if you could, be careful of your shoes on the car’s upholstery.” Chanyeol slightly raised his feet from floor, attempting prevent the mud on his shoes from ruining his Uncle’s first impression of him 

 

* 

 

The house seemed still and barely lived in as Mr. Kim pushed the heavy door open. Dust rested along the bannister of the large stairway and the rooms within view showed no sign of life. Chanyeol nervously clutched his suitcase as he shuffled fully into the larger foyer.    
“Junmyeon!” Mr. Kim yelled out, taking the bags from the two siblings as the sound of footsteps patted towards them. 

His Uncle was younger than Chanyeol had expected. Smooth face and dark hair with a prim button up shirt fitted rather smartly. 

“Hello, you’re right on time!” He exclaimed, hopping down the stairs to come up to greet them. 

“I hope the journey wasn’t long, you must be Yura,” he smiled peering at Chanyeol’s sister who gave him a polite nod. 

“We’re very grateful for your generosity,” she tells him with a smile. Uncle Junmyeon beams back at the two of them, causing Chanyeol to shift uncomfortably. 

“You’re most welcome my dear, and you must be young Chanyeol?”

“Yes sir,” Chanyeol timidly replied. Junmyeon placed a friendly hand on his arm, 

“No need for such formalities, we’re family now aren’t we?” Chanyeol nodded hesitantly but gave a small smile in return. 

“Jongdae would you kindly show them to their rooms, I’ll put the kettle on.” 

“Of course, heading upstairs kids!” Chanyeol held back the instinct to roll his eyes, being 16 and several inches taller than most of his classmates he hardly considered himself a kid. 

 

* 

 

The house was as a grand as it was homely, well lit fireplaces flooded their cold nights with warmth and the far-reaching gardens left the Park siblings with endless grounds to explore. Chanyeol had discovered the library on their third day at their Uncle’s estate, and as extravagant as it was with an undoubtedly extensive collection, it didn’t hold the same magic as the one he’d grown up in. So, in what Yura declared as a world first, Chanyeol took to spending his time outdoors. The luscious stretches of green made remarkable views compared to the smoky concrete streets he was used to seeing outside his window. Very quickly, the quaintness of the countryside became Chanyeol’s new artistic inspiration, having him spend most of his hours on the plush grass with a charcoal pencil in hand. He happily spent his hours perched there, watching the sun slowly fall as the days drew closer to ending. The countryside’s natural tranquility became a refuge, leaving the destruction of his home city mostly gone from his mind. But he couldn’t help feel a sadness in his solitude, the beauty of his surroundings seeming slightly lesser as he spent majority of his days alone. 

 

The loneliness however, did not stay permanent. 

 

“What _are_ you so fixated on in that notebook?” 

 

It had been like any other day at Uncle Junmyeon’s estate, Chanyeol was seated in his usual place on a slight hill, allowing him a clear view of the remote town an hour or so away, the steam train occasionally rolling across the horizon and the luscious stretches of green that proceeded it. Behind him was the beginnings of a small forest that he’d been too cautious to try and explore himself. However the voice interrupting his quaint afternoon seemed to have emerged from the cluster of trees. He swiftly turned around only to see a boy who looked roughly his age sitting on a low hanging branch, peering over at him curiously. 

“You seem to be very involved in whatever you’re scribbling away at, so you can’t blame me for wanting to know what you’re writing in there.” 

Chanyeol eyebrows shot up, bewildered. 

“Sorry but…who are you?” 

The boy jumped down gracefully, 

“I’m your neighbour!” He exclaimed brightly, coming over to where Chanyeol sat, still gaping. 

“Uh, since when? I’ve never seen anybody else around here before.” 

The boy was slim but with broad shoulders, dressed in simple shorts and a clean blue button up, a simple yet elegant waistcoat sat over the top. Upon his approach, Chanyeol noticed the delicate nature of his face. 

“Since before you got here I’m certain. Just happen to be more observant than you are apparently.” He sat next to Chanyeol with a heavy sigh, 

“Baekhyun Byun,” he stated, holding out his hand for Chanyeol to shake. 

“I’m Chanyeol….Chanyeol Park,” he managed out, for some reason this boy made Chanyeol explicably nervous. 

“Pleasure to meet you, I take it you’ve also been shipped out here?” 

Chanyeol nodded, “my sister and I, we’re staying with our Uncle. You too?”  
“Yep, but in my case it’s just me. My brother enlisted you see, so I’ve been sent to stay with Mrs. Reed for the meantime. Lovely lady but I must admit, I’m terribly bored. I had to double check my label when I arrived, this whole place seems so…remote.” Chanyeol couldn’t help the snigger that escaped him. 

“Me too, I know I’ve got my sister but all she does is baby me, being on my own was almost a relief but….it would be nice to have someone to talk to.” Baekhyun simply beamed at him. 

“Glad I could be of service,” he said brightly, standing up quickly and dusting himself off. “So, aren’t you gonna answer my question?” He reached for the leather bound book resting on Chanyeol’s lap.

“Oh! Sorry….it’s drawings but,” he swiftly grabbed the book from Baekhyun’s reach and placed it in his satchel. “It’s private,” he revealed with a slight blush, not wanting to insult his new found friend. Baekhyun simply shrugged, 

“That’s alright, maybe when we get to know each other better, you’ll show them to me.” 

A small fluttering began to bloom in Chanyeol’s tummy as he reflected the brilliant smile Baekhyun so generously gave him.

“Yeah, maybe.” 

  
* 

 

As it turned out, Baekhyun truly was his neighbour, with Mrs. Reed’s estate only a short walk from Chanyeol’s Uncle’s. Now with someone to share his time with, the gloominess that seemed to reside over him from his arrival now began to fade. Baekhyun became his new daily routine. He would quickly swallow his breakfast that Mr. Kim served every morning before hurrying to get dressed and rushing outdoors, eagerly meeting a waiting Baekhyun outside his Uncle’s gate. Perhaps it was because there was only each other in this little corner of the country that allowed them to bond so quickly, but Chanyeol felt as thought it was more than that, that he and the curious boy next door were _meant_ to meet amongst the tranquil green of the countryside, it was intended. 

Baekhyun never hesitated to give him the most wonderful smile as he jogged up to meet him. 

“Were you waiting long?” He asked the boy, pushing the wooden gate open which Baekhyun was perched on top of. 

“No more than usual, Yeol.” Baekhyun ran a hand through his silky black locks before resting them both back down on Chanyeol’s shoulders, using his sturdy physique as leverage to hop down from his position. 

“I brought food today,” Chanyeol exclaimed, displaying the small basket of sandwiches he’d prepared. 

“Very sweet of you,” Baekhyun assured. He reached over and to Chanyeol’s surprise, brushed his fingers over Chanyeol’s own as they gripped the woven basket. He couldn’t help the swooping in his stomach at the unexpected gesture. 

“Come on then!” The smaller boy exclaimed, running on ahead towards the woods, faintly viewable beyond the hills surrounding the estate. Chanyeol grinned and quickly followed, chasing his new friend amongst the grass towards their new common ground. 

Out of breath and positively radiant, Baekhyun collapsed on the plush green breathing hard. Chanyeol quickly followed once he’d caught up, half way to heaving up a lung from running after his agile new friend. 

“No….more….running…..for now please,” Chanyeol panted out, glancing over as Baekhyun let out a breathy chuckle. 

“Whatever you say, I could go for another hour!” Baekhyun managed out between breaths.

“As if!” Chanyeol exclaimed, slapping him lightly on the shoulder, “you’re just as puffed as I am!” 

“Not as red as you are though! You should see your cheeks!” Chanyeol immediately brought his hands up to his face in embarrassment. 

“Shut up,” he mumbled, rolling to his side to turn away from Baekhyun’s heavy gaze. 

“Come on! It’s cute,” Baekhyun assured, reaching over to tug at Chanyeol’s shoulder and forcing him to face him again. Chanyeol felt as if his face was going even redder. 

“Now I believe that someone brought food?” Baekhyun cheekily poked his shoulder, and Chanyeol nodded, feeling even more winded than when he’d first laid down. 

The afternoon that followed was one of the happiest Chanyeol could remember in a long time. They ate as they looked out over the green, the sound of the soft breeze whispering amongst the trees behind them. Baekhyun climbed high on stable branches as Chanyeol watched from the safety of the ground, to nervous to navigate his lanky limbs through the winding oak. They chased each other through the thinner lines of trees, laughing like children and collapsing on the ground in exhaustion. The ever looming dread of destruction from the sky and the whirring of the planes that brought it seemed lightyears away. As Chanyeol lay staring at the bright blue above him, with Baekhyun mirroring his position a mere inch away, he couldn’t help the warmth that spread throughout this body. He barely knew this boy beside him but, he was completely at ease, happy, safe. 

“Do you think we’ll ever go home, Yeol?” 

Chanyeol stirred from his reverie to look over at his friend, 

“Home?”

Baekhyun propped himself up onto his side, leaning his head on his hand.

“The war, do you think it’ll ever be over?” Baekhyun sighed, tracing his finger along the softly blowing blades. He paused for a minute, breathing in sharply.

“Will I ever have dinner with my family again? When will I be able to look at my father sitting across from me at the table? Or my brother right next to me?” Baekhyun’s voice cracked by the end of the sentence, eyes gazing down at the ground. 

“It can’t go on forever Baek,” Chanyeol responded staring up at him, tentatively, he reached over tentatively wrapping his fingers over Baekhyun’s wrist. He returned the gesture, grazing his finders along Chanyeol’s hold. 

“I just can’t stand the waiting, the not knowing if they’ll ever come back,” voice quivering as he mumbled the words out.

“We’re sitting ducks back there, and maybe even here. Just watching the skies….waiting to see if death’s going to drop down on us.”Chanyeol adjusted his hand to intertwine their fingers, 

“You’re right,” he murmured, “we are always in danger, and so are they.” Baekhyun visibly winced, 

“But we can’t change it Baek, as awful and terrifying as it is, we just have to wait it out.” Chanyeol leaned over, full catching the gaze of the pretty boy lying next to him, who only gripped his hand tighter. 

“All we can do is hope,” he said, brushing the stray pieces of hair out of Baekhyun’s eyes, “and try to enjoy what we’ve got here, I guess.” Chanyeol gave him a small smile, hoping it was enough so Baekhyun would know. Know how much being around him had given Chanyeol more than just a small semblance of happiness, it was the most he’d felt since the war began, maybe even before that. 

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Baekhyun whispered a few moments later, “I can’t imagine how much harder it would be if I was still alone.” Their hold on each other remained steady as Chanyeol slowly placed himself beside Baekhyun once more. 

“I’m glad I’m here too, with you.” 

As the afternoon went by, Baekhyun slowly drifted off. He stretched out along the grass basking in the sun’s warmth, Chanyeol watched him smiling, and began to draw. 

 

*

 

That night at dinner, Chanyeol sat stiffly at the overtly oversized dining table. His Uncle sat at the head with his sister politely sitting with her legs crossed opposite him. Slowly, he picked at the meal Mr. Kim had served for them while unwillingly avoiding the conversation, his mind going back to the afternoon’s events. 

“And you seem to be out quite frequently these days young man!” Junmyeon exclaimed with a smile, drawing Chanyeol out of his reverie. 

“Hm?” 

“Always outside! Did you happen to meet the Mrs. Reed’s houseguest? I only saw him briefly but I believe him to be around your age, perhaps you two might make fast friends!” Chanyeol couldn’t help the slight redness that rose to his cheeks thinking about his Uncle’s suggestion. 

“Actually sir, you’re right we did meet. We’ve been meeting up from time to time.” 

“More like all the time!” Yura cut in, “I hardly ever see you anymore Chanyeol, I only see you meeting with him at the gate nearly every morning and you don’t return until practically nightfall.” Uncle Junmyeon raised his eyebrows in amusement, 

“Well I’m glad to hear it! It’s always nice to meet a new friend, especially all the way out here. It’s always more fun with company,” he finished merrily. Chanyeol offered a small nod as a friendly response. 

“Thank you, sir.”

“You’re most welcome, in fact, you should have him over! Show him around the estate, I’d love to be introduced properly.” 

“I’d like that, thank you.” 

Junmyeon practically beamed at the acceptance, 

“Tomorrow then!” 

 

*

 

“Your Uncle wants to meet me?” Baekhyun asked curiously as Chanyeol delivered the news upon his arrival, fingers picking at the hem of his sleeves as his tummy buzzed with nerves. As to why though he wasn’t sure, he was just inviting a friend over, right? 

“Yeah I told him about meeting you and he said I ought to show you around here, a polite gesture I suppose…you know what these older gentlemen are like,” Chanyeol chuckled as an attempt to downplay his eagerness of bringing Baekhyun inside, at letting Baekhyun be more of a part of his temporary home.  
“I’d very much love to,” Baekhyun replied happily, a bright smile taking over his face, eyes slipping into cute little crescents that made Chanyeol feel warm. Baekhyun practically skipped inside, coming to a halt as he entered the impressive foyer.  
“This is huge!” He exclaimed, turning to face Chanyeol excitedly.He watched as Baekhyun’s eyes grazed over the high oak ceilings and ostentatious paintings that decorated the walls. 

“Come on, I’ll give you the tour.” 

Baekhyun seemed fascinated with every nook and cranny of his Uncle’s grand manor, spending time in each room Chanyeol took him to rather happily. Chanyeol blushed slightly when they went upstairs and he led Baekhyun to the room he currently occupied. It just felt intimate, in a way, he was baring more of himself to Baekhyun then he had previously. Chanyeol shook off the thought, it wasn’t as if this was his real bedroom he’d grown up in. Apparently anything involving Baekhyun made him slightly nervous. 

Baekhyun however, seemed completely unfazed, striding into the room confidently and admiring the view of the plush garden from his window. 

“It’s lovely,” he said smiling, “oh look! You can almost see my house from here too,” he pointed to a slightly visible structure across the stretch of green. 

“Yeah, sometimes I watch you running up the path on your way over here,” Chanyeol admitted, the tips of his ears feeling hot at the unexpected admission. 

“Oh really?” Baekhyun replied cheekily, reaching over to poke his cheek, “always that excited to see me?”  
“Always,” he slipped out, unable to help himself. Chanyeol paused, he wondered if he was coming off too strong, too much, he was in such unfamiliar territory. Over the years he’d _never_ felt this attached to someone he’d only known a short while, or possibly to anyone at all outside his family. 

“Me too,” Baekhyun replied in a quieter tone, the playfulness seemed to be gone from his voice, as if he was finally as nervous as Chanyeol always felt to say the words aloud. It was then Chanyeol noticed how close they were standing, with Baekhyun’s face now mere centimetres from his own. He was so close…he could almost-

“You have a piano in here?!” Baekhyun gasped, breaking the brief spell of silence that had fallen over them. 

“Oh…yes, uh, it’s my Uncle’s but I’ve never p-played,” Chanyeol stuttered, feeling hot all over from their previous tense moment. He breathed deeply trying to put himself together but he felt as if his insides had spilled all over the floor. The feelings stirring inside him seemed completely otherworldly, why did he always get this way around his new friend?

He turned as Baekhyun seated himself down at the piano stool,

“Do you play?” Chanyeol asked, Baekhyun nodded excitedly, 

“Everyday back at home, but Mrs. Reed doesn’t have one so it’s been awhile.” He lifted up the lid and blew the dust off the keys, “I might be a bit rusty.” Chanyeol shrugged and smiled in reassurance, 

“I’d love to hear it.” 

Baekhyun was slow at first, daintily pressing his fingers on he keys as if he was afraid they would break. Chanyeol watched in silent awe as he played, slowly becoming faster, more confident as the song went on. Chanyeol didn’t recognise the music but it didn’t matter. Watching Baekhyun play with his eyes closed, seemingly so involved in what he was doing, it was as if the rest of the universe nearly fell away. Chanyeol felt like he wouldn’t dare breathe, any sound would disrupt the beauty that Baekhyun was creating. When the song came to a quiet end Baekhyun gazed up at him expectantly with a nervous smile, 

“What did you think?” 

“That was…wow,” Chanyeol felt he couldn’t sum up a word to describe what he felt in that moment, how much he revered Baekhyun. He couldn’t even begin to describe how beautiful the moment had been to him, how he wanted to live in it forever. 

“You were amazing,” he managed out with his signature blush in tow. Baekhyun returned the bashfulness as he closed the lid of the instrument. 

“It wasn’t my best but, thank you.” Chanyeol shook his head, placing his fingers over Baekhyun’s that were resting on the smooth wood. 

“It was wonderful,” he said, voice so full of sincerity it made Baekhyun’s cheeks pink.  
“Really?” 

Chanyeol nodded, intertwining their fingers unabashedly. The physical intimacy they were sharing made his stomach whirl but in the moment it seemed completely right. He couldn’t help the pull he felt towards Baekhyun, it planted itself the moment they had introduced and had bloomed as their friendship had. Now, sitting here after seeing Baekhyun in such a state of vulnerability and passion, he felt something he’d only read about in books. He wanted to reach out further, to caress the side Baekhyun’s lightly freckled cheeks, to carefully trace the moles scattered across his face and finish it with a soft press of his lips-

The thought shocked Chanyeol out of his daydream, the feelings soaring inside him sparking both an excitement and blinding terror. Baekhyun would hate him if he knew what he was thinking, as warm as he felt whenever Baekhyun was near, he knew it would all be snatched away if the other boy discovered how he truly felt, and Chanyeol would be left alone in the cold. 

“Come meet me early tomorrow,” Baekhyun whispered, gazing happily down at their joined hands. “I want to show you something.” 

 

*

 

The sun was blazing warmly up above that following day, the clouds only sporadic scatters across the azure sky. After seeing Baekhyun walking up from his bedroom window, Chanyeol had quickly gone to the gate, sitting patiently on top of it, awaiting for Baekhyun’s to arrive. 

“You’re here first today!” Baekhyun laughed, having jogged up when he saw Chanyeol waiting. He hopped down once Baekhyun stood just in front of him, this time using his sturdy shoulders as leverage to land somewhat gracefully. 

“I was excited about the mysterious thing we’re going to.”

 

Baekhyun led them to their usual spot on the grassy hills, but rather than stopping to sit themselves there, he kept on towards the woods situated beyond the hill’s peak. Chanyeol raised his eyebrows skeptically, 

“You do know where you’re going, right Baek?” 

“Trust me,” Baekhyun smiled, pushing a branch aside to allow them to go through. Chanyeol followed Baekhyun at his heels, occasionally brushing his fingers along the back of his shirt to make sure he was still in reaching distance. It only a took a few minutes for the trees to part as they reached a sizeable clearing, the sun shone in as the breeze softly swayed the surrounding trees. In the middle of the clearing was a glistening lake, Baekhyun turned to him with a smile as bright at the day’s sunshine, 

“I found it the first week I was here, I had no one to talk to so I was just exploring nearby.” 

“It’s so nice here,” Chanyeol remarked, gazing around at the tranquil spot.  
“I come here to read letters from my family, as sparse as they are. It’s kind of my own private safe haven, I suppose.” He walked over to the edge of the water before turning back to face Chanyeol, 

“It was just mine for awhile but…I wanted to share it with you.” Chanyeol felt like he must have been beaming at the sentiment. 

“Thank you,” he said with his eyes urging Baekhyun to see his sincerity, Baekhyun returned his smile in full force. 

“Time for a dip I think!” He exclaimed, immediately pulling off his shoes and shorts and beginning to unbutton his shirt. Chanyeol felt his face go aflame as Baekhyun shrugged the material off his shoulders, leaving him in a white singlet and pale yellow boxers. Before Chanyeol could stutter out a response, Baekhyun jumped wildly into the water. Breathing hard as he came up for air, Baekhyun flicked his soaked black locks off his face and laughed with such genuine purity that Chanyeol could practically feel the joy radiating off of him. 

“You’re crazy!” Chanyeol yelled, mouth practically agape at Baekhyun’s unabashed behaviour.  
“Aren’t you coming in?” He shouted back, splashing the water in Chanyeol’s direction making him recoil while letting out a rather high pitch shout. 

_Sod it_ Chanyeol thought, quickly pulling off his clothes as fast as Baekhyun had, throwing caution to the wind and jumping right after him. 

The water was pleasantly cool, Chanyeol stretched out as he was submerged, coming up for air with a smile as Baekhyun appeared in front of him. 

“Nice right?” He asked, before Chanyeol could give a response he was met with a face full of water. 

“Hey!” He shouted, splashing Baekhyun right back. Before he could retaliate further, Chanyeol pushed forward grabbing Baekhyun’s arms as he made to dunk him under the water. They struggled playfully, splashing and grabbing each other, trying to get each other under. Chanyeol moved to the shallower edge allowing himself to stand, Baekhyun pushing him back as he did so, still in a fit of mirth. 

“We’re awfully close,” Baekhyun giggled, resting his hands on Chanyeol’s shoulders as he bobbed up and down. Chanyeol froze, worrying he’d crossed a line, he was too close, it was too much, and he was being too obvious.

“I-I’m sorry,” he mumbled, trying to move out of Baekhyun’s reach but the boy only held on tighter.  
“Chanyeol, no it’s…I like it.” If it was possible, Chanyeol’s eyes grew even wider in shock. Was Baekhyun totally oblivious? Maybe he couldn’t even conceive that the way Chanyeol felt was even possible. He could feel his heart cracking at the thought. 

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whispered, still smiling, moving a hand to push back Chanyeol’s wet hair off his cheek, “stop thinking.” 

Chanyeol’s eyes slid shut as he felt the first press of Baekhyun’s lips to his own. The butterflies he’d felt previously were nothing in comparison, this was like lightening strikes inside him. It was a simple and sweet kiss but it left Chanyeol buzzing. When they parted and he met Baekhyun’s gaze, Chanyeol couldn’t help the grin that split across his face. 

“B-Baekhyun I-”

“I know,” the boy smiled up at him, softly tracing his finger along his jaw, “you didn’t exactly hide it.” Chanyeol looked down, embarrassed.

“But, you too, right?” His hesitancy clear,

“Of course, silly.” He leaned in again, pressing his lips against Chanyeol’s cheek. “How could I not?”

“I was scared before,” Chanyeol started, slipping his fingers between Baekhyun’s. 

“Me too but Chanyeol, we’re safe here,” Baekhyun smiled, “not only from the bombs and the destruction, but from everything. Right here…no one can reach us.” Chanyeol felt his eyes glistening, looking up at trees he felt Baekhyun’s words soak through him, this really was a safe place. With the sun shining on his face and Baekhyun’s warmth wrapped around him he felt more alive than ever, the happiness coursing through him like a rushing river, overflowing his every sense.

“I always want to feel like this, right now,” he whispered, kissing the tip of Baekhyun’s nose, “I never thought I could feel this…”

“Happy?” Baekhyun supplied, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s neck as he spun them around, splashing the water around them and filling the air with Baekhyun’s laughter. Despite the threat of danger ever looming, the world outside in chaos, in their little place right here they were home. 

 

*

 

Chanyeol waited at the gate when morning broke, too excited to sit at his window. After their swim in the lake they had spent the afternoon drying out in the sun, laughing and chatting idly all in between soft kisses and sweet touches. Just remembering it made Chanyeol beyond giddy. He’d eaten dinner with a perpetual smile, promptly scaring his sister and causing Junmyeon to continually beam at him in amusement. That night, tucked up in bed he couldn’t help but brush his fingers against his lips, remembering the feeling of Baekhyun softly caressing them with his own. Now as he swung his legs from his perch on the gate, he couldn’t wait to see him again, hear his laugh, feel his touch. It felt strange to so quickly shift from trying to withdraw from his affections, to be burning to be so open with them to the boy he desired to bestow them upon. 

Chanyeol stood holding onto the gate to try and see if he could spot Baekhyun, but there was nothing. They hadn’t exactly made plans to meet but Chanyeol expected that they would stick to their usual routine of meeting up with one another, especially after the blissful memories of the day before. As time ticked by with no sign of Baekhyun, Chanyeol dejectedly headed back inside, passing the time by reading at his window. He looked out after finishing nearly every page, hoping to see a small figure running up excitedly to Chanyeol’s door. He planned to call out from above and race downstairs to meet him, but still there was nothing. 

He tried to dismiss it with a simple explanation, perhaps Baekhyun was doing chores for Mrs. Reed, or had received a letter from his family. As the sun began to descend behind the clouds and Chanyeol was called for dinner, he couldn’t help the dread that pooled in the pit of his stomach. Did Baekhyun not want to see him? Had he said something wrong?

 

Did Baekhyun not want him anymore? 

 

Chanyeol knew he was overthinking things, one day apart shouldn’t be as disastrous as he was making it out in his mind. But the timing made it all the worse, he’d been taught to push away feelings like his own, so the minute this doubt had creeped into his mind he’d latched onto it, allowing it to worm its way through his thoughts. Maybe Baekhyun truly believed what they had was wrong, it had just taken him sometime to truly realise it. As he lay down his bed never felt so cold, the loneliness wrapping itself around him like the cotton sheets encasing his body. 

 

The tap at the window startled Chanyeol awake, the second had him curious, and the third had him slipping out of bed with curiosity and a hint of fear. Chanyeol shuffled towards the window, tugging at the sleeves of his pyjama shirt. He pushed the curtain aside and looked out.

It was Baekhyun. 

He was hunched over slightly and holding what seemed to be pebbles, Chanyeol smiled and made to unlatch the window. 

“What are you doing here?” He called down as quietly as could but still allowing Baekhyun to hear him. Baekhyun shook his head, 

“Sorry Chanyeol, I-I know it’s late,” he responded meekly, barely loud enough for his voice to carry, Chanyeol felt the dread come creeping back.

“Baek, are you alright?” 

He simply shook his head again, beginning to curl in on himself while wringing his wrists. 

“I’ll be right down,” Chanyeol called, briskly grabbing his dressing gown and moving as quickly as he could through the manor without waking up the rest of its occupants. As soon as the door swung open he found Baekhyun waiting on the other side, eyes swollen red and glistening with unshed tears. Without hesitation Chanyeol pulled him inside and closed the door behind him. 

“Baek what happened?” 

Baekhyun shook his head again.

“Come on, I’ll take you upstairs.” They creeped up to the landing and headed to Chanyeol’s room, as he held Baekhyun’s wrist he could feel how hard he was shaking. He sat him down on the unmade bed and closed the door gently behind him, striding over to sit beside the clearly distraught young boy. 

“Baek, tell me what’s wrong,” he pleaded. 

“I got a letter today,” he whispered, staring blankly at the floor. “It was from my Mother, Yeol.” He breathed in sharply and Chanyeol reached over, grasping onto his wrist in an attempt at comfort. 

“‘Killed in Action’ is what she said. He’s dead, Yeol. My f-father, he’s gone.” A sob burst out of his chest as he leant over, voice cracking as the words came out. 

“Oh Baek, I’m so sorry,” Chanyeol breathed, wrapping his arms around the crying boy. He knew there was nothing he could say to make things any better, nothing that could bring Baekhyun’s father back to him. 

They fell asleep lying on Chanyeol’s bedspread, Baekhyun’s sobs wearing him out into a fitful sleep which Chanyeol soon followed. Before his eyes slid shut, Chanyeol’s eyes drifted over the sleeping boy beside him, following his jawline to his soft, inviting lips. A few strands of hair sat resting over the boy’s swollen eyes, gently Chanyeol tucked them behind his ear. 

“Sleep well, Baek.” 

 

The early sunlight broke through the open window and shone across Chanyeol’s eyelids. Still half asleep, he reached out to find Baekhyun’s previous warmth from their somewhat of an embrace missing. Eyes still bleary from sleep, he sat up to find a view of Baekhyun’s back, hunched over with his legs presumably dangling off the end of the bed. 

“Baek?” 

There was simply a small sniffle in response. Chanyeol scrambled over, desperate to comfort the tearful boy but as he moved over he noticed a leather bound book in Baekhyun’s hands.

“Chanyeol this is…” Baekhyun’s voice wavered as Chanyeol’s face paled. 

His sketches were glaring up at him from the pages in Baekhyun’s hands. His heart sunk in dread knowing what was inside

“Baekhyun, I can explain-”

“You drew me?” He asked, tone unclear as Chanyeol tentatively moved closer to where he was sitting. 

“I know it might be too much but I just…couldn’t help myself.” Baekhyun looked up at him, eyes sparkling but an unexpected smile stretched across his face. 

“No, Chanyeol I…this is how you see me?” Baekhyun traced his fingers over the outlines on the weathered pages, staring down with nothing but awe. 

“Well, yes.” Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “you’ve always been beautiful to me, Baekhyun.” 

Promptly, Chanyeol was knocked back onto the bed as Baekhyun practically launched himself at him, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s lanky frame. 

“Thank you,” he whispered, face pressed against Chanyeol’s shoulder, “I’m so grateful I have you.” 

Chanyeol tightened his hold around Baekhyun, allowing the boy to share his warmth, understand his willingness to give him comfort.

“I’m yours,” Chanyeol softly whispered. As the morning drew on the lay happily next to each other, Baekhyun flicking through the pages of the heavy sketchbook, eyes sparkling and a smile mostly present across his face. With their fingers intertwined and hearts in synch, Baekhyun leant into the hold around him, cherishing the rare feeling of security, safety. 

And maybe, just maybe, love. 

 

It’s early morning when Chanyeol waits at the secluded station, anxiously gripping onto his brown leather case and leaning against the railing to shield himself from the September sun. It had been a year since he had departed London, and now it was declared they could return, the threat of bombs supposedly lifted. 

Strange how much could change in a place so quiet. 

Baekhyun was stood next to him, having shed his waistcoat and remaining in a pale periwinkle button up shirt. Chanyeol had to remind himself several times to stop staring at the boy’s delightful forearms that were on show with his sleeves pushed back to his elbows. They’d wished a pleasant goodbye to their Uncle who’d accompanied them in the car to their departure, he even waved from the window as Mr. Kim drove the plush car they’d arrived in back to the grand estate. 

They boarded the steam train along with Yura, sliding into their own compartment with Chanyeol seated next to Baekhyun, face resting on the glass of the window. They spent most of the journey in silence, Yura absorbed in a book and Baekhyun watching as Chanyeol sketched the outside view as it rolled past. When he gently let his head rest again the young artist’s shoulder, Chanyeol couldn’t help the rush of uncertainty that went through him. When they returned back to London, would they see each other again? Baekhyun needed time with his family to mourn his father’s loss, and perhaps no longer being in such close proximity to each other would make things harder. Chanyeol gripped the charcoal pencil tighter and tried to push back the threads of doubt weaving themselves together inside his mind. Later, Baekhyun sheepishly asked to look at his drawings when he noticed Chanyeol’s eyes falling shut, he gladly handed the book over before giving into his fatigue, the rhythm of the moving train lulling him into sleep. 

 

*

 

It had been two weeks since he’d last seen Baekhyun. The two had said their goodbyes fleetingly at King’s Cross upon their return, rushing out promises to see each other at the earliest opportunity. 

Chanyeol hoped that wasn’t too far away. He worried for Baekhyun, knowing how much he was hurting, the immeasurable amount of loss he must be feeling returning home knowing his family was forever fractured. 

Chanyeol just wanted to be there, for comfort, a distraction, support, anything. He missed the other boy terribly. 

It was busy on High Street, Chanyeol slipped his way through the crowds as he made his way back home. He loosened the tie of his school uniform just slightly, his other hand clutching onto his sketchbook. 

In some way he longed to return to his life in the countryside. Not the persistent blanket of fear and unknown of course, rather the ever consistent presence of Byun Baekhyun. At night he’d often think back to lying in the sun, his surroundings quiet with only the sound of the soft breeze and Baekhyun’s delightful laughter reaching his ears. By the time he made it back home Chanyeol felt the returning misery, eyes glancing to his book which, although he’d still kept with him at all times, had remained shut ever since his return. To look at his sketches of Baekhyun would only make the longing worse, and for the first time since he could remember, the urge to draw simply wasn’t there.Saying a brief hello to his Mother, Chanyeol made his way upstairs to his room, eager to distract himself with school work in the confines of his own space. 

He was shuffling his books, rearranging their set up on his oak desk when they slipped and landed heavily on the bedroom’s rug. Sighing, he began to rearrange him when he noticed an a stray piece of parchment, slipping out from the pages of his open sketchbook. Curiously he reached over to open it, wondering how it could have ended up there.

 

_Sunday the 4th of October, St. Paul’s School Concert Hall, 8pm._

_Come find me._

_B_

 

*

 

Nervously grasping onto his ticket and fidgeting with the cuffs of his suit jacket, Chanyeol waited for Baekhyun’s performance. It had been relatively easy to get admission into the ostentatious school’s concert hall, having realised the night was a selective program of students showcasing their abilities to celebrate the school’s return. Chanyeol was seated fairly close to the stage, program resting on his lap telling him Baekhyun would be the final performer. Chanyeol sat anxiously through the array of talented students, having not seen Baekhyun since that day at King’s Cross had only made the anticipation heighten. As the music echoed throughout the hall it felt as if all the commotion of feelings inside of him were bouncing off the walls with every note. By the time of Baekhyun’s performance had approached, Chanyeol could barely clap through the polite applause that echoed during Baekhyun’s entrance onto the stage. 

He looked as wonderful as ever, all dressed up in a suit similar to Chanyeol’s own, a nervous smile splayed across his delicate features when he seated himself at the grand piano. Chanyeol held his breath as he awaited Baekhyun to start playing. 

He was just as captivating as the last time. 

He played with such fluidity, his hands dancing along the keys as languid and smooth as water. Chanyeol was entranced, the earlier chaos of emotion seemed to have slipped away. Now, he felt a calmness, safety, something that Baekhyun had always brought to him whenever he felt like he was drowning in fear. As Baekhyun slowly pressed out the final chords of the piece, Chanyeol felt his eyes shining. He was so proud, so happy that Baekhyun could pull out such a performance even in his time of grieving. Chanyeol could hear everything in each note he played, the sorrow, the loss, the resilience, it all resonated throughout the hall. Baekhyun turned to face the crowd, signifying the conclusion of the piece. Chanyeol felt himself at a complete stand still, tears slowly forming as the audience burst into a thunderous applause. His arms seemed to kick into gear before he did, clapping slowly as he smiled radiantly. Baekhyun stood up to bow, beaming at the crowd and waving politely. He looked out, catching eyes with Chanyeol who was smiling through the small sobs breaking out of his chest as he applauded like mad. Baekhyun mirrored his expression barely breaking eye contact as he acknowledged the crowd. Although he said nothing, Chanyeol knew the feelings ignited in his chest were ever present for Baekhyun just as much. He had never felt more secure in anything before, despite the doubts that had previously tangled themselves in his thoughts, Chanyeol knew this was something more than fleeting. 

 

Chanyeol spotted him first, looking out into the throng of parents and pupils crowding the outside of the auditorium. Baekhyun looked surprisingly nervous, far more so than he did when he stepped out on stage. Chanyeol quickly weaved through the people separating the two of them, meeting Baekhyun’s eyes as he got close. 

“So you found my note?” He asked with a smile as Chanyeol walked up standing close enough that the tips of their well-polished shoes were almost touching. 

“Just in time,” he replied, blushing at Baekhyun’s piercing gaze, “you were, well, you were wonderful, Baekhyun.” The pianist’s cheeks started to glow pink, 

“Thank you, Yeol.” 

Without breaking eye contact he slipped his hand into Chanyeol’s, the light pressing of their fingers ever so familiar. 

“Come on, it’s rather stuffy in here,” Baekhyun teased, Chanyeol let out a laugh as he allowed himself to be pulled into the cool night air, walking briskly and unnoticed by those around them. Baekhyun’s smile was so immensely carefree he couldn’t bring himself to even ponder their intimate public gesture as something that should remain private. They reached the well lit street outside the ostentatious school grounds, the amber glow reflecting brightly on Baekhyun’s cheeks. 

“I’ve missed you,” he breathed out, gripping Chanyeol’s hand tighter, “it’s been hard, you know, adjusting. I think I need that time-”

“Baek, you don’t have to explain yourself to me,” Chanyeol whispered, “not at all, you’re going through pain that’s well, unimaginable for me.” Baekhyun breathed in sharply as Chanyeol continued, 

“But the way I feel about you, that’s a constant. It’s…”

“Infinite?” Baekhyun supplied, voice croaky and eyes shining.

“Exactly.” 

They kept smiling at each other, Baekhyun moving the tiniest inch closer, silent tears beginning to appear. Chanyeol reached out to wipe them with his suit jacket sleeve, 

“As long as you want me, I’ll be here.” 

Baekhyun let out a tiny sob, pulling him closer and wrapping his arms around his waist. 

“Thank you,” he mumbled against Chanyeol’s chest, “it’s all I want, _you’re_ all I want.” Baekhyun reached up, caressing his cheek just as he had done swimming in the lake all those months ago. Chanyeol pulled him in to finally press his lips to Baekhyun’s. They were as soft as he remembered, and the immediate pulse of emotion that spread through him was just as prominent as the first time. 

Chanyeol kissed his cheek when they broke apart, heart seemingly bursting with happiness and affection as Baekhyun remained close. 

“My Mum’s out tonight so, do you think I come see your actual house? Be just as impressed as the last time?” Baekhyun asked shyly, Chanyeol responded with a small squeeze of his hand and a nod. 

“I’ll lead the way then.” 

They walked hand in hand through the London night, shoulders brushing and hearts beating in tandem. Chanyeol knew what the feeling practically bubbling out of him was, wrapping around their intertwined hands. The look in Baekhyun’s eyes made him know he felt the same, he didn’t have to say it tonight. They’d been given the gift of safety, of a future. 

They had time.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. comments and kudos are most welcome ♡


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